I am going to slowly phase out of the coffee related blog as I don’t really feel like keeping up a blog about my career/job anymore. I would rather write about/document other things in my life besides my job.

Also, I need to draw more, paint more, photograph more then write on this blog more. So, this is a page turning, as essentially I need to shift some things around in my life in order to feel more fulfilled. Ever since my mother passed away on May 25th, I feel the urge to just be more active in my own life.

finally.

I feel good about the progress. I feel good about the fact that when i get home after work, I am still able to sit for an hour or two, and draw. It’s coming in small air-filled rushes of energy, but it’s coming.

Every once in a while I find myself needing to make art. Life-blood sort of necessity. But then I sit, and I blank out. Will it always be like this? On a sleepless night, I think about this. I can picture myself sitting at my desk and making myself draw. I need to realize that no matter how much I try to run away, or shove this deep down, it will always float to the surface (or claw its way up).

At least photographs save my ass from time to time.

Stewart Park, Ithaca, NY 2008

I lie to myself sometimes. I told myself I would work on art today, but I didn’t. Instead I helped my wife make bread, and watched a whole lot of Bridezilla. HA.

But I did do some research for the piece I am working on. So it wasn’t a total lie. Besides, I hate lies. Better to be honest even if it makes you an asshole lazy artist (like I was sorta, today)and lies only get easier to tell, so I guess this is my confessional, cuz the lyin’s gotta stop here. I’m too old for it.

this is an old piece. I am working on a new piece and I have to photograph a new painting and upload it.

the piece I am working on is a commission from a wonderful friend. She gets to pick it up when she comes to visit.

I started a new drawing. I know I need to purchase a camera soon. I have a whole series of drawings I would like to finish by the spring.

I will post them as they get finished. One by one by one.

don’t think i am not thinking about it right now. I am taking baby, baby steps to start this thing called being creative again. Work is wearing me down, and sometimes I cannot even think with the artistic mind. It’s bizarre. Gotta get rid of this mild depression/stress first.

been collecting images both drawn and photographed to start a real library of visual stimulation.

stay tuned.

I have started this blog as a way to motivate myself to paint, photograph and draw more often. I get stuck in these horribly obsessive cycles where I only think and do one thing and that one thing right now is coffee.

The other night I had this dream, and I forget what the symbols were, but essentially it was art vs. job and the job was winning. I woke up upset and in a sweat. No good. So I decided to take action. Whenever I have these dreams, whenever I start working too hard, the art comes and tugs at me either gently of bites my ankles to get moving. Art usually makes me a bit more sane, so I am going to try and make more art.
I have been drawing since I was 4 years old. Not many people know this about me. I almost finished my undergraduate degree in art. Full ride. Just didn’t feel it, so instead I chose sociology. I wanted to learn about people, and systems of power and oppression and to get a better idea why I was who I was and where I fit it. The fucked up part about this is that I have ended up in a career where sociology comes in a lot. A whole lot.

I work in coffee. Most of the people in power are white, the producers of the coffee varying shades of brown. Interesting power play and dynamic and don’t think I don’t connect those dots every single day.

anyway, see, trying to talk about art and I come back around to coffee.

I bought a moleskine sketchbook yesterday. small enough to keep in by bag. I have many pens. I plan on having this sketchbook with me at all times now. If I see something interesting, I am going to draw it.

I need to do this for myself. To keep me sane. To keep me grounded.

Also, making art the seriously fun. I love it. So why the fuck not?